


all the pain money can buy

by badAquatic



Series: Trailerstuck [89]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, F/M, Fan Offspring, Financial Issues, Grubs, Illustrated, M/M, Original Character(s), References to Illness, questionable parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 01:21:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6590917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're sitting in the waiting room wedged between Dave and Vriska, waiting on the results of what happened to John Egbert over the last 24 hours. </p>
<p>You are Karkat Vantas and you have no idea what's going to happen next.</p>
<p>Takes place immediately after "into the wild adult yonder".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the thinnest line

**== >Be Karkat at the hospital **

 

The emergency room is crowded with people your age. Some of them you recognize from the graduation ceremony, dressed in party clothes or sleepwear. Some are stained with vomit and stink of stale beer. Apparently John wasn’t the only one who had bad ideas on the first night of freedom from mandatory education.

Sitting at the far end of the waiting room is Vriska. She’s in pajamas and still has curlers in her hair, blending in perfectly with the regular rabble of downtown New Jack. While Dave speaks to the nurse, you go over to her.

Vriska’s eyes are tinged cerulean and her face is flushed. Had she been crying or just panicked? Whatever happened, she’s in a delicate place right now. As much as you want to show her sympathy, there wouldn’t be a point.

“What happened?” you say over the hum of panicked teenagers and cable TV.

Vriska scrubs her eyes. “I don’t know.”

You frown. Vriska is a lot of things but she’s never one to go into a situation blind. “You don’t _know_?”

“Don’t blame me!” Vriska snaps. “It was late. I was getting ready for bed and John, well, he comes by sometimes. I told him I’d rather have him stay at my place than crash a car or get mugged.” Her fist clenches. “So, he came by and he...seemed out of it. First off, I was surprised he was even _up_ here. I thought he would be...” She trailed off again. “Anyway, he was there, but I could tell something was off. Call it spider sense, but I knew something was wrong. Then he...”

Vriska laughs bitterly. “He just started talking gibberish. I should have known...” The ceruleanblood’s eyes are hard as she talks. If Vriska were the type to cry in public, there would be waterfalls running down her face. “He said ‘I feel dizzy’ and then ‘Do you smell something? Are you burning something?’ I thought the stove was acting up so I went into the kitchen but I couldn’t smell or see anything. I went back in the living room and John was passed out. I tried to wake up but he was spasming and breathing really hard. I didn’t know what to do. I knew there were drugs in his system but I didn’t know which ones. So...” She rubs the back of her head. “...what if I waited too long, Karkat? What if I fucked up John’s brain?”

You want to say that John’s brain may already be fucked up but Dave is within hearing distance. You sit next to her and put your hand on her shoulder. “You did what you could.”

You only know the basics of human biology. You just hope John is alright.

Dave walks over to you, hands in his pocket. He’s irritated but not irritated enough to abandon his friend. “He’s still in the ICU.”

“Do they know what happened?” Vriska asks.

Dave sits next to you. “No, not yet. She said in maybe a few hours.”

You nod. “Has anyone heard from Rose? Jane?”

Dave looks at his iHusk. “Jade says Roxy, Rose, and Jane are on their way.”

So even if this turns out to be nothing, there’s no way for John to escape from the spotlight being shined on his pastimes these couple of months.

You wait in the emergency room and take on the task of keeping everyone’s spirits up. You get snacks and drinks from the vending machines and crack jokes. No one joins you though.

At some point you fall asleep because Rose nudges you awake. You scrub your eyes and see Jane and Roxy are sitting next to you, slumped over in their seats. Going by the light outside, it’s three to four hours before dawn.

“Do you know what’s going on?” you ask.

“No, but  they’re keeping him overnight.” Rose looks at Dave, who has fallen asleep in the chair next to you. “You should head home. There’s not much that can be done here.”

You shake your head. “Rose, we’ve been through a lot. It’d be like leaving my sister here. You need emotional support.”

“I don’t.” Rose says with a sad smile. “This...has been coming for a long time. I’ve prepared myself.”

You’d expected Rose to be crying for her boyfriend, but she’s complacent. How long has she been prepared for this? You’re too spooked to question it, but you don’t leave the hospital. Whatever is going on, Rose needs you


	2. do you remember love?

**== >Karkat: Be Rose an hour into the past **

“I’m not having this conversation again.” You say.

“If it were up to you, you wouldn’t have this conversation at all.” your mother says.

You sigh. It seems every time you get in a writing groove, the universe interrupts you.

“Rose.” Your mother sits next to you. The old bed springs creak under her weight. “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye about a lot of things, but I know something is wrong. You’re usually more...talkative than this.”

You look away. You _have_ tried talking but Dave is stubborn as a mule lusus and Jade only half listens with the offer of sympathies and nothing else. Now you’re discussing issues with your mother. Pathetic. You’re not five years old. You should be past begging for her help.

“What if...” you begin, “...you felt something was seriously wrong with someone you loved and no one believed you?”

“I’d question what was making me feel this way,” your mother answers, “and then I’d remind myself that you can’t force someone to go to rehab.”

“It’s not that.” You minimize your manuscript and bring up Cetus. You go to your favorites and show your mother the page you uncovered a week ago. “I’ve been researching. John’s behavior isn’t that of a drug addict. His _personality_ has changed. He was supposed to be here tonight. The reason he’s not is that he doesn’t _remember_.”

Your mother shakes her head. “Rose...”

“ _Listen_ to me!” you snap. Your mother presses her lips into a thin line, but she doesn’t look away. “I’m tired of everyone insisting I listen to them and not listening to _me_!” You point to your browser window, “Ever since last November, John’s been suffering from migraines. I’m the only one who notices because I know him well enough. You know how Egberts are. If Jane was suffering from aches and pains, would she complain...or would she hide it? Would she burden others with her complaints or swallow her worries and chug down pain meds and caffeine pills?”

Your mother’s eyes widen. “Oh gods.”

Your want to smile, but this isn’t about proving you’re right. You go to your dresser and dig through the bottom drawer, where John keeps his spare clothes. You pull out his pants and remove a plastic bag from the pocket. Inside are white pills with numbers chiseled into their surface.

You hand the bag to your mother. “This is what John’s been taking. They’re xativa. Opiates. Pain killers. They put small doses of it in extra strength Tylenol but you need a doctor’s prescription to complete pills like this.”

Your mother looks at the bag. “So, you think he’s smothering pain?”

You nod. “I haven’t found anything but these. That’s why I wanted to talk to him. When he was thirty minutes late, I sent him a text.” You swallow. “He...didn’t even remember having the conversation. I...”

You don’t want to corner John and guilt him into seeking help, but he can’t keep running around like this. Your mother puts the pills down and pulls you into a hug. Then she wipes away the tears you didn’t even know were there.

“Rose,” you mother says, “take the advice of someone who’s made a lot of mistakes: it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do _something._ ”

The loud ring of the phone interrupts your thoughts. You pick it up and hear Jade on the other end. Her voice is wavering and after she speaks, it feels like even the ground under you as been shaken. You fall onto your bed, still gripping the phone.

You look at your mother with a bitter smile.

“Well,” you say, “it happened.”

 

Your mother comes to the hospital but its more to support Jane. Your mother has all the warmth and love in the world for Ms. Egbert, but she’ll never forgive him for not visiting his mother in the hospital. For someone raised only by his mother, you were shocked by John’s callousness.

Perhaps that should have been the first sign something was wrong.

You shake your head. There’s no point in dwelling in the ‘should haves’ and ‘could haves’. You wait in the emergency room, watching mindless TV shows and wondering if John will go the way of his father and his father’s father.

Once you arrive, Vriska leaves for East New Jack. She’s uncomfortable around you and is unaware how apathetic you are about her. John told you what happened and what he left out, you’ve gathered from Vriska’s behavior. It doesn’t matter. Perhaps it never will after tonight. 

After three hours Dave shakes you awake and points you in direction of a nurse.

“Are you with John Egbert?” she asks.

You nod. “Yes. Is he awake?”

The nurse nervously strokes her clipboard, “I’m sorry but he woke up two hours ago. He got a bit ‘lost’ in the system and then we changed shifts--”

“ _What_.” Dave growls, “Are you telling me he’s been awake this whole time and no one _said_ anything?”

“A-as I said, we were swamped today. A lot of parties that went out of control and alcohol poisoning...”

The nurse has the look of someone who’s been yelled at by enough people to last her two lifetimes. You put your hand on Dave’s shoulder and he backs down.

“Do you know what happened?” you ask.

The nurse shakes her head. “No, but I’m sure the doctor will tell you. Let me bring you to him.”

Karkat tries to worm his way out of visiting John, but Dave drags him along. You have no idea why after all this time Karkat thinks there’s still a ‘barrier’ between humans and himself.

John’s room is of the usual New Jack General quality: dusty with visible cracks in the wall and the purveying smell of must. John seems to be covered in tubes feeding him a steady drip of painkillers with an oxygen mask over his face. You hear the hiss of the leg compressors working under the sheets.

John’s eyes are half-open but he looks at you.

“Damn, everyone’s here and I’m not even wearing my best...” He weakly gestures to the room, “I wish I could give you the grand tour but they said I’m not allowed to walk.”

You take the seat closest to him. What should you say? Should you mention the pills? That you want him to seek help? Should you be outraged? John looks at you with watery blue eyes.

“I’m...I’m sorry, Rose.” He whispers, “...it hurt so much. I know we didn’t have the money for a doctor so I...” He flushes, “...I thought that I could hold on until school ends so...”

“ _¡Ikoisau!_ ” Jane says. It’s only the first time you’ve heard her speak Leder Spanish, _“¿Pir neé su phruicephaus phir ul konuri? Viw au ceokaur ku so!”_

John’s blush only deepened. _“Puri maumá, wi kuluríau sur ul neu simau ul ceokauki ku essuk...”_

Jane clenches her teeth and continues yelling at her son in Leder Spanish. You have no idea what she’s saying, as the Spanish you learned in school was the New Mehican and Dadlas variation. You sit there in silence as Jane yells and John mumbles, looking more sheepish by the minute.

John nods. “Alright.” He sighs, “and...I’m sorry.”

 _“¡Ussuk kuluríau sur!”_ Jane takes a deep breath and exhales. “You should be. I’m just glad that you’re relatively alright.”

John nods. “ _Su aumi maumá_.”

Jane sighs and smiles. “I love you too, dear.”

“Excuse me. Coming through.” The doctor—a balding yellowblood--pushes his way past Dave, Karkat, and your mother. He stands at John’s other side, “How are you feeling, Mr. Egbert?”

“Terrible.” John mutters, “My head still hurts and I feel exhausted.”

The doctor nods. “Well, I’m not surprised given the situation.”

“The...situation?” you ask.

The doctor glances at the others. Karkat takes the hint and says, “I could go for breakfast. Anyone else? Chicken and waffles?”

“Yeah. Same.” Dave murmurs.

“I’d rather have coffee.” Your mother sighs.

The three exit, shutting the door behind them. John smiles sadly and looks at the doctor. They must have found something serious if he hesitated bringing it up with extended family. The doctor plugs a flash drive into the wall console. A second later an image of a monochrome skull complete with nasal cavity, spine, and brain loads onto the wallscreen. In the brain are flecks of white no bigger than your fingernail.

John’s eyes widen. He takes his glasses off, scrubs them with the blanket, and puts them back. “Is that...my _head_?”

“Yes. This is from the MRI we took while you were unconscious.” The doctor points to the dent in the back of John’s skull. “You have an indentation here, no doubt caused by traumatic injury. Normally we wouldn’t worry about something like this as you’re not bleeding and the skin has healed over, but the MRI confirmed a fear we had.” He points to the white flecks floating around the brain. “These are fragments from your skull. During the traumatic injury, they entered the brain. Because they were so small, they didn’t cause any trouble. However”—he taps on three shards in particular—“these three are pressing against critical parts in the brain, resulting in the symptoms you’ve been experiencing: headaches, blackouts, seizures, and moods swings.”

John nods but he’s trembling. His face is pale.

Jane has the same expression. “Can they...be removed?”

“I believe so, but I won’t mince details with you.” continues the doctor, “The fragments are small and have already done some travelling. They could easily slip deeper into your brain and then--”

“The surgery could kill me.” John says, “Is that what you’re trying to say?”

The doctor nods. “Yes. Jostling the shards could kill you but letting them remain in your brain is out of the question. There’s a sixty-forty chance you will experience loss of memory and motor skills.” He looks down and uneasiness crosses his face. “There’s also the matter of insurance. I can tell you from experience that procedures like this are rarely covered by your plan.”

“What?” you say, “This could _kill_ him and the insurance won’t pay? It’s an _emergency_!”

The doctor shakes his head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t make the rules. For now I’ll prescribe painkillers and recommend a surgeon.”

“Do you know what that surgical price range will be?” Jane asks.

“In my professional opinion? No.” The doctor said, “But in my personal opinion? Neurosurgeries can cost between 50,000 and 150,000 boons and that doesn’t include the cost of consultation.”

Even with insurance, that price puts a dent in your wallet far larger than the one in John’s skull.

“So...” John forces himself to smile despite the sweat on his face, “...there’s nothing else? I can’t wait on this?”

“Not unless you want to die in the next year.” The doctor said.

The edict becomes clear: payment or death. The doctor wishes you good luck and leaves. Afterward the RNA comes in and checks John’s vitals while the rest of you sit in silence. The skull MRI remains on the wallscreen, burning into your minds.

When the RNA leaves, Jane speaks first.

“We’ll get the money.”

John snorts. “From the church?”

“Yes, if we have to.” Jane says, “We’ll find a way. We _always_ do.”

“There has to be something we can do.” you say, “Terezi’s mother had a similar situation. She could help us. The insurance may cave in if we make a big fuss.”

“Rose.” John is looking out the window so you won’t see the pain on his face. “At that price, co-pay is usually fifty percent. Hell, even ten percent would floor us.”

“John--”

John looks at you. His eyes are wet. “Between the three of us, would we be able to come up with 15,000 boons?”

No. None of you can. Jane is working at a bakery until she can start up her business again. Your mother’s PC business is drumming up attention but it’s years away from earning enough money where you’ll have a lot of disposable income. You still haven’t had an official job since the Cherubs and the money you earned was seized by gods know who.

“There’s always the Internet.” You say. John scoffs but you argue, “John, don’t dismiss it. If your theatre friends hear you’re in trouble, they may help. Even if it’s just a boondollar.”

John nods and covers his eyes as misery sweeps through him. You wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

“I love you.” John says in a choked whisper.

“I love you too.” You whisper back.

You squeeze his hands and carve this moment in your memory, so you’ll never forget it...even when John’s not here. You leave John with his mother and enter the hallway. You wipe errant tears from your eyes and hold your iHusk. You have to call Dave. He should be the first to know.


	3. hollow men

**== >Rose: Be Karkat, hearing the news **

Strider’s words are stop-start, as if his mind is a scratched disc that’s struggling to play in a dusty machine. He looks at Roxy and you with a death grip on the phone.

You can’t answer. A hollow numbness crawls from your horn-tips and through your body.

John. Skull fragments. Brain. Surgery. Death. Even in broken pieces, your mind can’t absorb it. You want to throw up but can’t. Maybe some god, lowly angel, or lesser spirit is keeping you from wasting the 20 boon breakfast you just ate.

Dave doesn’t get the same mercy. One moment he’s stiff as a statue and the next he’s keeled over, puking on the pavement. There’s a lot of coughing and spitting either, or even tears. Dave is never one to show blatant emotions in public or private.  

Dave looks at his vomit splattered shirt and snickers a dark, empty laughter.

“Now I know how Nessie feels.” He says.

You don’t laugh. You hug him, ignoring the wetness of his shirt and stench of bile. There’s no way Dave can go back to the hospital. Not in this condition. He insists that he’s fine but you insist he goes home. You drop him off and return Roxy to the hospital. You don’t go in though. You visit your old trailer and hope Terezi is home.

Kankri answers the door and leads you to Terezi. The tealblood is in the bedroom cocooned in a blanket. Kempie is sitting on top of her.

“Terezi?” Your chest feels tight, “Are you sick?”

“I’m _hungover_.” Terezi grunts.

You’ve never been so relieved that someone was hungover. You question how Kankri handles his matesprit’s state when he isn’t allowed to smell alcohol. Perhaps that’s why he’s not here soothing Terezi. You sit on the bed next to her. “Okay, so this may not be the time for this.”

“You can still tell me. Just don’t expect much action right now...” Terezi mumbles.

Kempie squeaks and crawls over to you. You freeze because you have no idea how to behave around the grub. The grub climbs into your lap and stares at you with his giant eyes. There’s no way he can be confusing you for Kankri, so you pat him on the head. You tell Terezi what you know about John. Terezi is mostly silent, muttering in agreement or stifling the occasional yawn.

Terezi has no solutions for the moment and you attribute that less to the hangover and more to learning the situation. You’ve seen Terezi pass exams running on an hour of sleep and only a Pop-Tart in her system. Soon Kankri comes in to feed Kempie and you decide to let Terezi rest.

As Kempie eats, Kankri approaches you. “How are you feeling?”

You have no idea. You feel like you should cry, vomit, or scream but there’s just... _nothing_. “I don’t know.” You admit, “I don’t know why I feel so upset. There’s a chance he could be okay. It’s not…necessarily a death sentence. It could be worse.”

“Us mutantbloods, especially Vantases, have always had anxiety pertaining mortality.” Kankri stirs honey into his tea and sits next to you. “Most likely it is a cultural, given that we have always been persecuted to the point of genocide and near extinction.” His eyes narrow, “Though, it could also be because of what happened to our father.”

Your father didn’t die a natural death though.

“I think you’re worrying over nothing. Humans are more willing to donate to each other.” Kankri says. You glare at him, but his expression doesn’t change. “What? It’s true. Jane already has a supportive community in the church.”

“How can you be so callous?”

Kankri sighs. “I’m not being callous, Karkat. I’m being practical. I don’t know John or Jane as much as you do.”

“What about Strider?”

Kankri looks away.  “Don’t _you_ have money saved up?”

That’s when you remember beside the pendant, your grandfather also gave you the inheritance. After all the expenses, you’re not sure what is left. You have to look at the accounts...

You stop yourself. It’s not that you _could_ give the money to Egbert, but if you _should_. You had hoped to save what was left for emergencies…but doesn’t this count as one? Egbert isn’t family though. You can’t justify giving him money in the present over your son’s future. You also don’t know how much money is left. Even if you gave every last cent to John, would it be able to cover the surgery?

You get up and look at Kankri. “I’m heading home. I better check on Strider. I doubt he’s in a mood to watch Nessie.”

Kankri frowns. Whenever you mention Nessie, the mutantblood makes a face that looks like he got a whiff of rotten eggs.

“What?” you grumble.

“Nothing, nothing...” Kankri says in his ‘tolerant parent’ voice.

You roll your eyes. “You might as well _say_ it so I know what to tell Jade before she throttles you for doing that around her daughter.”

Kankri says, politely sipping his tea. “I just feel that you’re treated less like a kismesis and more like a live in maid and babysitter. You’re shouldering the responsibilities of someone’s matesprit and...” He sighs, “I don’t agree with that.”

You shrug. “But I _like_ Nessie. Yeah, she drools on everything and wears a gross diaper, but I never get to play with my _actual_ kids. Khanie has two Dads that love her and Arthat is...well, he’s a Serket.”

Kankri nods. “Very true. If he didn’t remind me of you, I’d think Vriska created him by herself.”

“She _wishes_.” You snort.

You leave for SHEV and see the lights are on. When you enter, Jade is bottle feeding Nessie. Nessie won’t nurse the regular human way from Jade which (as Dave explained) makes Jade sad. You wonder how in the hell human babies survive when they seem to have so many problems: not wanting free food, not able to move or sit up on their own, unable to bite, scratch, or defend themselves in any way.

The look on Jade’s face is gloomy. “How is he?”

“Sad. Doesn’t want to show it.” Jade sighs, “You know how it is. I think he’d talk to Rose but she’s upset too.”

You sit next to her. “Any updates on Egbert?”

“They can’t do anything for him so they want to send him home. I doubt they can get a PCA, so maybe Rose will have to watch over him in case he has another seizure.”

Seizures only remind you of your grandfather; hair whitened from age and suffering as the cancer ate him alive. You turn your focus to Nessie, who is blissfully sucking down her bottle.  “Where does the kid put it away?”

Jade smiles. “Kids grow quickly once you give them enough food and love. She can already grip the bottle on her own. I just hold it so she doesn’t choke.”

“Consider yourself lucky _your_ kid isn’t a screaming, biting, little monster.”

“Wait until she’s two.” Jade puts down the emptied bottle and pats Nessie on the back. “I wonder if troll grubs were always so hard to handle or if it became that way because of only interacting with semi-sentient animals? Kempie and Simham are nothing like Khanie and Arthat.”

“That’s because Kempie and Simham are timid and spoiled. Arthat just acts like his mother and Khanie is--”

Jade grins. “Your daughter?”

“Ha ha. I’ll have you know I was a sweet, well behaved grub.” You say, walking to the bedroom.

Jade laughs and you have the distinct feeling she doesn’t believe you. You go to the bedroom and witness the most pathetic sight: Dave Strider silently watching _The Royal Tenebaums_ on his husktop without commentary or even a smirk. He’s bundled in a blanket with the movie’s use of vibrant color and purposely arranged scenes reflected in his shades. You curl up next to him, wrapping a single arm around his shoulder.

You barely follow the movie. Dave turns his head toward you. “I thought kismesises weren’t supposed to be nice? Or is it kismesii? What _is_ the plural of that word?”

“Not sure. Doesn’t matter.” You rest your face in his hair. “There’s a time and a place for everything. I’d feel like the bigger dickbag if I bothered you and I can’t think of anything.”

Dave smirks. “Just like you: the one time I need a distracting jerk and you can’t do it. Bad kismesis. Terrible troll. I’m divorcing you.”

You bite his ear. “You can’t divorce me. I’ll divorce you first. I’ll take the house, the car, the kids, the dog, and 90% of your earnings...”

Dave laughs. “Oh my gods, get off! You’re like those greyhounds that think they’re lap dogs.”

Speaking of dogs, it’s then the door opens. Sonny Jr. climbs onto the bed, and attacks your hair with his tongue. You laugh and try to push him off. Of course if Sonny Jr. is in the room, it’s a short amount of time before Bec runs in and gets on the bed as well.

Jade comes in carrying Nessie and sighs. “I came to check on you and see you’ve got a Dr. Doolittle situation going on instead.”

“Jade. Help.” Dave waves his free arm. “I’m being smothered with affection and can’t even watch my overrated movie.”

 “Where would you be without me?” Jade sighs. She looks at the animals. “Both of you get off! You _know_ you’re not allowed on the bed!”

Bec jumps off and walks out the room, patrolling her territory. Sonny Jr. climbs off but remains on the floor, whining. Dave sits up and Jade hands the baby to him. Nessie giggles and Dave kisses her on the head.

Jade flops on the bed. “It’s only five and I’m so _tired_. It feels like I didn’t even get any sleep last night and I _still_ had to go to work.”

“We all got up late last night because of what happened.” You say. You look at Dave. “So, are you going to tell us how you feel or are you still pretending feelings are a curse?”

Dave glares at you. “They _are_ a curse.” Nessie laughs and yanks the shades off his face. “Hey! Nessie, no. Give those back. Dad needs those to see.”

“We’re _inside_.” Jade says.

“I mean I need them to _be_ seen.” Dave tries to get the shades back from Nessie but she starts chewing on them. “Ew, Nessie! Those are not for your mouth! Jade, a little help? She has a _crazy_ strong grip.”

“You’re not pulling very hard.” You say.

“Because I don’t want to hurt her either.” Dave says.

Instead of helping, Jade decides to record Dave’s attempts to get his shades back. Eventually Nessie gets tired and falls asleep. Hopefully, she’ll be out of the way until morning but without the distraction of his daughter, Dave returns to being melancholic.

“What are we going to do?” he sighs, “We finally stopped worrying about the water bill and Bro and Jake are dealing with medical bills.”

“We’ll just have to pool together what we have left over.” Jade says, “I’m sure others will pitch in.”

The boons linger in your mind, taunting you about your selfishness.

“I’m sure it’ll turn out alright.” You say, “John wouldn’t want us to do something drastic.”

 “John wouldn’t...” Dave sighs, “He should hate me.”

“Oh, jeez, Strider. Don’t act like it’s the end of the world.” you say, “Both John _and_ _you_ were being idiots. You didn’t ask enough questions and he wasn’t being helpful with his behavior. Just apologize to each other.”

Dave lies on the bed, glaring at you. “I hate it when you’re sensible. Go back to being a shouty and angry all the time.”

“I doubt that will help.” You lay on top of him. “Hey, Jade, I think I know the perfect cure for a miserable Strider.”

Jade grins. “Dogpile?”

“No dogpile.” Dave grumbles.

“Dogpile!” you laugh.

Jade and you pile on top of Dave before he can move. Dave groans but relents. No one can stay in a bad mood while under the power of the quadrant dogpile. You turn off the light and remain that way, holding onto Strider and banishing his negative feelings.  

 

You would like to say that the neighborhood pulls together and the money for John’s consultation and surgery are amassed within a night. That John can relax with a PCA because of a kind soul at his mother’s church. That the symptoms aren’t as terrible as the doctor initially predicted and the seizures aren’t painful.

But it doesn’t happen. June is a painful month and July is worse.

The insurance refuses to cave in, insisting on full payment. Terezi explains to you that the reason insurance eventually caved in for Latula was that M&N, and their parent company DynamiCHEM, were at fault for letting her work in hazardous conditions. The insurance was betting the lawsuit against DynamiCHEM would pay for Latula’s procedure. John’s situation was different. The story was that he had been mugged and from the insurance company’s perspective, that was a hazard of living in the Ninth Ward.

“Apparently Jane has used up her goodwill at the church, since they just got her a new home.” Rose sighs. She’s at your trailer again having tea. Hell, she practically camps out at SHEV when she’s not running around for John’s sake. 

“What about a loan?” Jade suggests.

“Getting a loan? In New Jack? In the _Ninth Ward_?” Rose sighs, “Forget it. They jack up the rates if you live in the Ninth Ward because they’re scared you won’t pay. It’s bad enough the medical loans are sharks and personal loans are...” She pauses. “I don’t think I have the credit for it and neither does John’s mother. She already had to take out a loan before for some...other things…”

“What other things?” you ask.

“I don’t know. She wouldn’t say.” Rose frowns. “Living conditions when my mother and John’s mother came here weren’t the best. The Red Crux services have always been slow in New Jack City and they were two single, pregnant women with no credit or income.” She mutters, “...no wonder she drank...”  

You’re afraid of Rose drinking too. Dave would know the right thing to say but he’s out shopping with Jake and Bro. The money is still at the forefront of your mind, but you can’t mention it. The electricity bill went up and there’s a rumor that the rent hike might go through due to the construction in the park. Unless the remodeling is done by government grant, _someone_ has to pay for it.

“What about crowdfunding?” you ask.

“You mean the internet?” Jade frowns. “Isn’t that what scammers do?”

“Yeah, but...” Even you don’t believe the words coming out your mouth, “Play it up as a good sob story and you never know how much people will donate. How far are you from your goal?”

“John had saved up money for us to move, but most of its dwindled away from him buying painkillers, new clothes and furniture for the trailer, drinks at clubs…” She bites her bottom lip and as much as she loves John, she still looks bitter and disappointed. “There’s 75 boons left but with bank fees, we can’t empty more than 60. Jane has saved up 15 boons and Mom gave 30 so that brings us to 115.”

“Will that pay for anything?”

Rose shakes her head. “I don’t know. I looked online and it said that consultations are 100 at the least and 300 at the most. Most doctors don’t list their prices.”

“Of course they don’t.” Jade snorts, “That would mean showing how stupid all this is.”

“For this situation, it’s better we go on the high end of estimation.” Rose sighs, running fingers through her hair, “But what does it matter? we’re no closer to getting the 150,000 either.”

“Maybe Sollux can help with setting up the crowdfunding.” You suggest, “We should ask him about the loan too. His family’s taken out plenty.”

You later learn Sollux’s advice about medical loans was just one word: “Don’t.”

Your dreams shift from a windy void of nothing to stray boondollars blowing through the wind, whispering about your miserly ways. You up your dosage of sopor pills but the results make you nauseated and sluggish every morning. Rose visits SHEV on the weekends for a powwow with Jade and Dave about the situation, and you can’t be present. You decide to take up the task of weekend grubsitting so you can have an excuse not to be there.

“Karkat, you look like hell.” Terezi says.

“I’m in grub hell.” You grumble.

You’re lying on the floor of Kankri’s trailer in the hopes of staying cool. Khanie is sitting on your head tugging at your hair. Suxxor is sleeping on your back. Felida is determined to destroy your shirt with her tiny, sharp teeth. Kempie was hiding in your shirt until Terezi arrived; now he’s whining for her to pick him up. Astrid is hiding under the couch growling at anyone who gets too close. Momeju is peeking at her and seems unsure of what to do. The only ones who are watching the movie you put on are Simham, Dmitry, Maekit, and Themma.

Terezi sits next to you, picking up Kempie. “I question why you thought watching more than three of these rugrats was a good idea.”

“Money.” you grunt, “Where’s Kanrki?”

“Covering the Fair Housing and Civil Rights Conference that’s going on this weekend.” Terezi smirks, “I’m sure he told you. He’s been telling _everyone_. He’s so excited to be paid by a regular paper for covering an event.”

Khanie screeches and jumps off your head, yanking out a few hairs as she does. Suxxor follows her, chirping angrily. You sit up and gently pull Felida off your shirt.

“How much trouble would I get in if I took these little shits and let them loose in the woods?” you grumble, “They’d be better off raised by wild animals than us.”

Terezi smirks. “You don’t mean that. You’re a natural born father. You even find your little sister cute.”

“You mean terrifying, right?” You look under the couch and see a pair of beady purple eyes glaring at you. Even when Khanie was in her moods, there was never such... _anger…_ radiating from them. It doesn’t help that she’s hissing at you like a rattlesnake. You look at Terezi, “I’m scared to see what’ll happen when she molts.”

“You don’t have to wait until then.” Terezi answers, “When Astrid hatched, Kurloz took one look at her, said ‘nope’, and backed away.”

What in the hell could that mean? You know purplebloods have a contentious relationship with their hemokin, but what about a grub could spook _Kurloz_?

“Maybe it’s her eyes?” you wonder out loud, “They seem...cold. Like, if you say something she’s going to not only remember it but make you regret saying it.” You pause and then whisper, “D-do you think she can understand us?”

Terezi laughs. “Karkat, she’s a month old grub. Not a _demon_.”

You frown. “I bet that’s what they said about her _grandfather_ when he hatched. Totally harmless. Totally not a murderous, clown monster who ate people.”

“I don’t remember anyone saying he ate people.”

“Would you put it _past_ him?”

“No, but cannibalism was the norm on Alternian.” Terezi tilts her head. “Karkat, what’s going on? Don’t bother pretending there’s _nothing_ wrong. You’ve been working yourself to the bone and the bags under your eyes have bags. Have you been sleeping?”

“Yeah.” Not _restfully_ , but you’re still technically sleeping.  

“ _Karkat_...” Terezi growls in her ‘moirail voice’.

“What _isn’t_ bothering me?” you scoff, “Between not having a real job, the whole thing with Egbert, and Sollux being weird...” You flop back down on the floor. “I don’t even _want_ to complain. It could be worse. I could be in John’s shoes...but I know that I just can’t push at my own problems aside. Stop giving me that look, Pyrope. I might not be looking at you but I can _feel_ it.”

Terezi’s thin fingers move through your hair, massaging your hornbed. “What’s the situation with Sollux?”

“I don’t know what’s going on with him.” You say, “Like, if we’re in the same room for too long he just...he’s not acting like _himself_. Though it could be stress. We’re not really doing the best with donating...”

John has received fifty dollars in donations so far, which isn’t even close to the consultation fee. Dave thinks reporting the situation to the local press as a ‘human interest story’ could help but you doubt it. Your neighborhood has a surplus of ‘human interest’ sob stories that are in constant rotation on the local news. 

“I hate this.” You whisper, “I hate _sitting_ here. This...” You sigh, “I have money, Terezi. It’s not enough but I could help. I’ve been saving it for emergencies but it feels wrong just to let John twist in the wind like this. It feels like I’m watching a clock tick down and one side says I’m selfish for not giving it and the other says I’m an idiot for not saving it for my family.”

Your moirail’s face is blank and with the glasses, you can’t see if her eyes are narrowed in anger or wide with shock.

“Terezi?” you ask. When she doesn’t speak, you probe further, “What do you think? Would you--”

“No.” the tealblood says.

You blink. “Really?”

Terezi nods. “I know what it’s like to stare a hopeless situation in the face; when you have to debate about paying for electricity or food. No one ever helped us...” She takes off her glasses and wipes them with her shirt. “John is human. In fact, he’s more than human. He had an church upbringing and a religious mother, is as close to physically perfect as any man could be, friendly, funny, and outgoing. He’s Mr. All-Canzia. The state is far more willing to help him.”

“That...maybe true.” You can’t deny that desperate humans always get their needs met far before trolls. “But John isn’t getting the help he needs _now_.”

That’s when it all adds up: the slow trickle of donations and how you’ve had to bring up John’s situation to Sollux.  

“Terezi…Are no trolls helping John?” you ask.

Terezi looks away. “Oh, I’m sure _Vriska_ is doing her part, but as for everyone else? No. Rose hasn’t even asked us.”

“She shouldn’t _have_ to ask! We’re all in this together. Rose is human but she’s our _friend_ too!”

“ _Karkat_.”

Terezi is the only troll who can silence you with a word. She points at the mold spreading across the ceiling from water leakage, the worn holes in the carpet, the obnoxiously loud rattle of the air conditioning, and spackle flaking off the walls, revealing the old bullet holes.

“Do you think either of us could give anything without sacrificing something?” Terezi asks. “Why don’t you ask John’s fellow humans why they won’t give more? Humans sit on their money more than we do.”

Her eyes are narrowed and her teeth clenched. Instead of apologizing about crossing that unspoken line with your moirail, you touch Terezi’s face in a not quite pap. She looks at you with her sightless eyes and then buries her head in your chest.

“I’m sorry...” she murmurs, “...this sort of thing brings up a lot of bad memories...”

“I didn’t mean to put you on the spotlight.” you say, “I’m just frustrated and I forgot that this situation could be...triggering.”

Terezi shrugs. “You didn’t mean it.”

You still feel like an asshole though. “Maybe that’s why Sollux has been acting weird. This much bring up bad memories for him too, or maybe it was something else I said--”

“Karkat, stop worrying!” Terezi laughs. “Don’t worry about my stupid brother. He’s _moody_.”

“I know, but he’s not usually like this with _me_. I think he’s trying to tell me something but he doesn’t know how to say it.”

Wait...could Sollux be seriously considering moving away? It would be costly and uproot his entire family but considering Latula’s fragile condition, it would make sense and would be the best...but the thought of Sollux leaving makes your stomach contract into a tight ball.

“I’m sure he’ll tell you eventually.” Terezi grins. “You know how shy he is.”

“Sollux? _Shy_? Yeah right!” you laugh, “He’s about as shy as a dickbag like him can be.”

Terezi’s answer is to continue snickering and not explain why.

When you leave the trailer, you don’t head to your place but to John’s. The yard has finally transformed from the brittle yellow of when Jane first moved into a healthy green. Even the window boxes are blooming. You enter the trailer expecting the smell of nutmeg and butter, but are greeted by cheap air freshener. Clothes have been left unwashed, there’s a pile of dishes in the sink, blankets and pillows tossed on the couch in a messy pile.

Jane isn’t home; only Rose with bags under her eyes and trying to mop a stubborn stain out of the floor. She shows you to John’s room and continues cleaning, placing broken dishes in the garbage once the stain is cared for.

John is lying in bed, propped up by pillows and wearing ghost patterned pajamas. He looks, as if like he’s been hibernating for a hundred years and is still restless. The room is also incredibly barren. You’ve never been in John’s room at the old trailer but you remember Dave’s description: the colorful posters, the ironic-and-yet-unironically maintained rack of antiquated CDs, the old, wooden toy chest, and bookshelves. In this room there’s a single poster of _Titanic: The Legend Goes On_ and a computer pushed into the corner.

When you enter the room, John smiles. “I’d stand but I just finished putting on a show. Stay tuned though, and maybe there’ll be a rerun of ‘John Has A Seizure and Makes a Mess of Things’.”

You sit in the chair positioned next to bed. “You always did strike me as the type to laugh on his way to grave.”

“Oh please. I’m halfway there already.” John laughs. When you don’t laugh back, he smiles, “Don’t give me that look, Mr. Krabs. If I didn’t crack joeks, this place would be a funeral home.”

“Um…I just...”

“Wait. Let me guess. I’m good at this now.” John steeples his fingers, studying your face. “Going by the guilt in your eyes, I’m going to say it’s about money. You want to give me it but the reason you’re hesitating. So you came to see how sick I was so that your brain would force you to give the money.”

You almost wish Egbert was an oblivious dork like in middle school.

John raises an eyebrow. “You know, I get a lot of visitors now. The ones from the church were nice. Old ladies with huge jewelry and hats big enough to blot out the sun. Then the guys from the local TV station came. They wanted to put make up on me because I didn’t look ‘sick enough’ and that I should be more sad. That I should be sobbing like a miner’s widow about having a death sentence.”

Egbert grins.

“I told them to fuck off with that bullshit. I play a lot of roles but one I’ll never do is ‘The Littlest Cancer Patient’.”

“They’re just trying to help--”

“And I don’t _want_ that kind of help.” John’s eyes are briefly watery. “We all have to die someday. Some of us a lot sooner than others. I don’t _want_ to manipulate people into feeling sorry for me.” He exhales, “You know what I _really_ want, Karkat?”

You shake your head.

“That.” John points to the window.

You see the backyard, overgrown with tall grass and even taller wildflowers: agrimony, thimbleweed, and bur marigolds. Bees move between bellflower petals and the neighbors have a yard of screaming children playing in the sprinklers.  

“I want to be out in the summer air.” John says, “I want to drink booze and not give a shit. I want to see people’s _kids_! You know I haven’t had a chance to hold Nessie? I heard she’s cuter than a room full of puppies. I just want to chill with my pals by the water and have fun. So, fuck the money and fuck pity from strangers. I’d rather be happy.”

John laughs. “Of course, I’m on a lot of painkillers right now. When they stop working, I’ll be back to begging for the sweet release of death.” He shuts his eyes, “But not right now. Right now, I just want the sunshine, the beach, and my friends and family.”

People might be uneasy about donating money but everyone loves the beach. Instead of feeling immense pity and sadness for John, your brain is brewing up an idea.

“I think...I have an idea.”

John frowns. “It’s not insurance fraud or prostitution is it?”

“What? _No_!” You stare at him. “Who suggested that?”

John shakes his head. “It’s better you not know.”

You stare at him and then decide he’s right.

“Listen, it’s one thing to ask strangers for money but it’s another to ask people at a _party_ for money.” You say, thinking aloud, “What if we do a beach party fundraiser? People can buy food and drinks and the money can go toward your surgery.”

“I don’t know...wouldn’t that more money than we have? What about the price of food, fuel, and reserving the beach? Would people even _want_ our food?”

You stare at him. “John, we’re _Niners_. People _love_ our food. Even East New Jack snobs come here to get the ‘authentic’ stuff.” The thought of snobs makes you think of Vriska stuck in the Land of Tofu and Patchouli Oil. “And I _just_ thought of a great way to promote it.”

John laughs. “What do you have in mind?”

“Let me just make a call.” You dial Vriska’s number and hope she’s home instead of posing half-naked for some magazine’s swimsuit edition. The phone doesn’t ring long before its picked up.

//”Hello?”// Vriska yawns.

“You just get up, Serket?” you snicker.

//”Not that it’s any of your business but _yes_ and _no,_ I’m not hung over.”//

“I don’t know. Maybe I should get a breathalayzer to make sure...”

//”What do you want, Vant- _ass_?”// she growls.

“Relax, I’m just busting your bulge.” You say, “Anyway, you know those vapid yet attractive coworkers of yours?”

//”I’m not hooking you up with any of them, Karkat.”//

“No, damn it! I think we can use those sexy morons to help John.”

Clothes rustle and you hear Vriska grunt. Someone else mumbles and you can’t be sure if its Hecuba or another ‘customer’. //”What do you have in mind?”//

“You said it yourself.” you say, “You know a lot of vapid models that like the public to think they care about problems. But, I’m going to need your--”

//”I’ll do it.”//

You stare at the phone in shock since Vriska isn’t physically presence. You didn’t even tell her what she could stand to gain from it. When you don’t say anything, you hear the ceruleanblood sigh.

//”It...”// Vriska laughs weakly. //”...if you can be so selfless all the time, why can’t I do the same? Is that ‘not allowed’ for me?”//

“I didn’t say that.” you whisper, “I just… _thank_ _you_ , Vriska. I know everyone says you’re a huge bitch and a pain in the ass but, uh...shit.” You laugh. “This sounded a lot more sympathetic in my head. What I’m trying to say is that even spider bitches like you have hearts.”

Vriska laughs. //”‘Even spider bitches like you have _hearts_?’ Gods, couldn’t you have picked a less Hallmark way to put that? I’ll work on my end. You better not slack off.”//

You grin. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” When Vriska hangs up, you look at John. “Alright. The groundwork of the plan is go. You in?”

John smiles, showing the gap in his teeth. “As long as I get to go to the beach, I’m _all_ the way in.”


	4. a good neighbor

**== >Be Karkat a few weeks later **

You start calling and visiting Vriska more often not just for Arthat, but because John’s life hangs in the balance. You may not get _all_ the money but you need enough to make the fundraiser worthwhile. Your weekends move from grubsitting too many kids to visiting every high-end restaurant and sleazy diner in the hope of receiving donations. Slick even gives you a few pointers about how to smooth things over with the owners and the best way to ask for donations.

Jade and Dave have no idea what you’re doing since you’re not going into detail with them about the plan, or anyone else. You’re keeping it under wraps just in case things go south early on. A rumor circulates that Vriska and you are getting back together, which you have to quell with a firm “ _Hell_ _no_ ”.

Finally, you reserve the beach. The advertising posters featuring the correct information and beautiful models are secured and ready to run in the paper and be posted over the city. You can’t wait any longer. You spread the word for everyone to be online that night at eight and if they can’t, to pass the word around.

When eight o’ clock arrives, you take a deep breath. Showtime.

 

\--carcinoGeneticist[CG] created BEACH PARTY PLANNING!--

\--carcinoGeneticist[CG] invited gallowsCalibrator[GC] turntechGodhead[TG], gardenGnostic[GG], adiosToreador[AT], caligulasAquarium[CA], apocalypseArisen[AA], twinArmageddons[TA], centaursTesticle[CT], arsenicCatnip[AC], grimAuxilatrix[GA], terminallyCapricous[TC], arachnidsGrip[AG], and cuttlefishCuller[CC]!--

 

GC: W3LL W3LL W3LL

GC: LOOKS L1K3 W3 H4V3 SOM3 GU3STS

AG: Yeah, I’m gracing you peons with my shining presence. You want to fight a8out it, Pyrope?

AG: (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง

GC: <:::::[]=¤༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

CT: Σ>―(´･ω･`)→

AG: Equius, what the fuck is that?

CT: D --> A...bow and arrow...

CT: D --> I thought we were RPing.

TC: HaVe yOu lItErAlLy nEvEr uSeD A CoMpUtEr bEfOrE?

AT: bE NICE,

TC: No.

AC: :33< Can I still join in the fight? ((⊂(`ω´∩)

TG: yeah make it a threesome

AA: yeah d0 that 0u0

CG: OH MY GODS. I AM STOPPING THIS STUPIDITY BEFORE IT INFECTS THE REST OF US.

CG: I’VE BROUGHT EVERYONE TOGETHER NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF RPING A FIGHT OR WHATEVER ARADIA’S WEIRD SMILE IS ABOUT.

AA: 0u0

CG: THE TRUTH IS THIS: JOHN EGBERT NEEDS US.

CG: I KNOW ALL OF US AREN’T FRIENDS WITH JOHN OR EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS. FOR THOSE OF US WHO WENT TO MIDDLE SCHOOL WITH HIM, IT MEANT A PERSON YOU COULD COUNT ON DESPITE BEING AN IDIOT PRANKSTER. HE’D PUT A WHOOPEE CUSHION UNDER YOUR SEAT OR TRY TO SELL YOU FRECKLE JUICE, BUT HE WOULD STILL TREAT EVERYONE EQUALLY. HE DIDN’T CARE IF YOU WERE A TROLL, CARAPACE, SALAMANDER, TURTLE, IGUANA, OR CROCODILE. HE’S THE KIND OF PERSON EVERY HUMAN SHOULD BE.

CG: DURING THE NIGHT OF BULLETS, JOHN WAS HIT ON THE HEAD. SINCE A LOT OF SHIT WENT DOWN THAT NIGHT, NO ONE MADE MUCH OF IT, BUT WE SHOULD HAVE. SOME BONE FRAGMENTS FROM HIS SKULL SLIPPED INTO HIS BRAIN. RIGHT NOW, THEY’RE PRESSING ON NERVES AND CAUSING HIM SEIZURES ALONG WITH A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN. IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY PRESS ON SOMETHING IMPORTANT AND KILL HIM.

CG: JOHN TOLD ME HE DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND HIS DAYS INDOORS. HE’D RATHER BE OUTSIDE WITH HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND I WANT TO GIVE THAT TO HIM.

CG: VRISKA AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A PLAN. WE’RE GOING TO THROW JOHN A BEACH PARTY. WE’LL SELL FOOD AND TICKETS AND THE MONEY WILL GO TOWARD JOHN. I KNOW MOST OF YOU ARE BUSY WITH KIDS, WORK, AND LIFE’S GENERAL CHAOS SO I’M NOT FORCING YOU TO BUY A TICKET OR EVEN COME. I JUST WANT YOU TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT AND EVEN IF YOU DO COME, YOU’RE NO OBLIGATION TO BUY ANYTHING OR EVEN DONATE. EVEN IF WE DON’T RAISE THE UNGODLY AMOUNT OF MONEY NEEDED FOR HIS SURGERY, I JUST WANT JOHN TO HAVE ONE GOOD MEMORY TO STAND OUT AGAINST ALL THE SHIT HE’S HAD TO DEAL WITH.TG: dude what about me

TG: you need somebody to take record this

CG: YEAH, I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT.

AT: i WANT TO COME, aND I’M SURE SOME GUYS AT THE FACTORY THAT WOULDN’T MIND GOING TO A BEACH PARTY,

TC: PrEtTy sUrE ToRkEn aNd sImHaM WoUlD LoVe a bEaCh nOt fUlL Of gArBaGe aNd wIlD DoGs

GG: we have plenty of deer meet to cook! :D

CG: WE ALREADY HAVE FOOD DONATED BY RESTAURANTS. ALL WE NEED IS SOMEONE TO COOK IT.

GA: Several Customers At My Job Have An Interest In Charity

AC: :33< if you give me a poster, i can hang it in the break room.

TA: ii can code a 2eparate web2iite about thii2 iif 2triider’2 wiilliing two 2hoot a 2hort promo that we can put on youtube.

CA: um i dunno wwhat i could do  

CA: 711 doesnt let us post local evvent stuff evven if its for a good cause

CC: I love t)(e idea, but I don’t )(ave muc)( to offer aside from cooking and watc)(ing people’s kids.

CT: D --> Considering how you're both seatrolls, you would make e%cellent lifeguards

CT: D --> The fundraiser will need at least two

AG:...shit, he’s right.

CC: I just googled t)(e amount of time it takes to become a lifeguard. It takes roug)(ly 28 )(ours of training plus certified CPR and First Aid. 38D

CA: im cpr an first aid certified already

CT: D --> You will also need police in case people get rowdy. I assume you have a gathering license and a permission to sell alcohol. You’d make a lot more money if you sold drinks.

GC: 3QU1US DO YOU W4NT TO B3 S3CUR1TY?

CT: D --> Oh no I’m not certified for that I’m still in sch001, but I’m sure some of the older officers that oversee my classes would like to help a worthy cause That and this can go toward my hours of community service and show my skills

TC: So, YoU’Re lItErAlLy uSiNg tHiS FoR ExTrA CrEdIt.

CT: D --> There’s nothing wrong with using an opportunity along with helping a neighbor.

CG: THANKS, EVERYONE. I JUST...

CG: GODS, I’M BLANKING ON THIS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD BE SO SUPPORTIVE AND...

TG: hes tearing up guys

CG: SHUT UP! IAM NOT!  

GG: hes is

GC: 4WWW K4RK4T

AG: We should smooch his adora8le face. ::::*

CG: OH MY GODS. NO.

TG: ill do it for you

CG: STRIDER DON’T Y O 3143HIJRQ3RTHNPI

GG: he is being smooched

TA: ii thiink ii can hear kk 2creamiing from all the way over here.

GG: now theres a dog on him

GC: 1 TH1NK TH4T 1S 4 GOOD SUMM4RY OF WH4T JUST H4PP3N3D TOD4Y


	5. through the lens

**== >Karkat: Be Dave at the beginning of August **

Your preferred hour to get up on Saturday is ten o’ clock, pending that Nessie stays asleep, but this isn’t any regular Saturday. You pack up your equipment, double-checking your list as you pack away the camcorder, accessories, memory sticks, tripod, earplugs, plastic bags, and fold up seat. Jade has other bags to pack, one of which is for Nessie. Jade and you are half awake but Nessie is completely alert, intensely watching you pack with a look of confusion. You weren’t sure about bringing Nessie to the beach since she can be unpredictable, but Jade insisted that Nessie have fresh air and fun under the summer sun.

When you load the heavy bags into Jade’s car, it looks like you’ve packed for a family of twelve rather than three. Nessie sits in the backseat, chewing on her teddy bear’s ears.

“Why did you make us pack so much stuff?” you ask Jade.

“Hey, we’re going to Twelve Acres. We can’t run back home if we forget something.” Jade says, starting the car and pulls out the driveway. “And you need all the sunscreen you can get.”

“You already made me wear a pound of the stuff. I feel like a greased pig.” You grumble.

“You’ll thank me when you don’t look like a _cooked_ pig.”

Nessie is quiet for most of the trip. She wriggles in her seat, trying to get a better look at out the window. When you arrive at the beach, Nessie starts babbling and bouncing in her seat. You see Jane and Roxy’s cars in the parking lot along with others you don’t recognize. You carry the bags while Jade carries Nessie.

John is sitting under a tent with two bottles worth of sunscreen rubbed on him. Rose sits next to him. When she sees you, she stands up and runs over.

“You made it!” Rose looks at Jade, “I thought you would be busy with work.”

“And miss seeing John get sunburned? No way!” Jade chuckles, “Plus, Saturday work is always optional.”

John looks at Nessie. “And this is Nessie? I see she got all Jade’s genes.”

“Nessie, do Dad a favor and puke on your uncle.” You say.

“She won’t. She’s not an infant anymore.” Jade hands Nessie over to John. “Careful: she steals glasses and shades.”

“She also puts _everything_ into her mouth.” You add.

Nessie looks at John and her eyebrows wrinkle. She looks at Jade, you, and then back to John. Just when you think she’s going to start crying about being held by a stranger, she reaches dfor John’s glasses. John moves her away before she can grab them.

“You better keep her away from Rose. She may never give her back.” John says.

Rose playfully hits John. “I will so!”

Five more cars arrive and the people that step out are wearing designer swimwear and have their hair styled in a way that assures you they’re not getting _anywhere_ near the ocean. You recognize a few handsome faces from the fundraising ads Vriska and Karkat made. They’re just as little clothes now as they did then.  

“Looks like Vriska’s ‘friends’ are showing up.” Jade says.

You’re wondering where Karkat is. You turn around and see Karkat standing at the lifeguard tower speaking to Feferi and Eridan. The last time you saw Karkat in beachwear was at a middle school fieldtrip. He’d worn bland, red shorts then. Now he’s in a black mesh two-piece with gold thread sewn into it.

“Oh my gods...” You murmur. Of all the things you thought Karkat was going to wear, this definitely isn’t it.

“He looks so _cute_!” Jade says, “I don’t remember him having _that_ in the closet. Do you think he just went shopping?”

“I _made_ him go shopping!” Vriska says. The ceruleanblood runs over, wearing her a gold and orange-red bikini. “Could you believe he was _seriously_ going to wear his old swim trunks? I was like ‘Karkat, you’re my friend so believe me when I say that you have literally the worst fashion tastes any troll could possibly have’.”

“I’m sure plenty of trolls will thank you for that.” You say.

Vriska smirks. “I think _one troll_ will thank me and it isn’t Karkat.”

It’s then Karkat notices you and runs over. You make sure to do a slow pan of his outfit. “Strider! About time you showed up! I wanted to ask...” He pauses and glares at you, “...what the hell are you _doing_?”

 

 

“Giving the viewers what they want?” you snicker.

“I will put sand down your shorts if you don’t knock it off.” Karkat’s grumbles but his face darkens, “and Vriska made me wear this dumb outfit.”

“I think its cute.” John says.

Karkat glares at him. “I’m ignoring you, Egbert. You’re incredibly biased toward thickness.”

John smirks. “I didn’t say I wasn’t. But, Karkat, you _do_ look adorable.”

“I _always_ look adorable.” Karkat insists. He walks to a tent where Aradia is cooking and you follow.

Aradia is warming up the grills while Equius and two older police officers stand nearby. Eridan is in the water setting up buoys and patrolling the area for lusii.  

Feferi is still dripping water as she fusses at Aradia. “The heat’s too high. You want to burn up all our fish?”

“I’m blackening it. You need high heat.” Aradia insists, “You’d know that if you didn’t insist on eating everything raw or turning it into a weird congealed cake.”

“It’s not a weird cake!” Feferi points to a tureen on the buffet table. “I made crawfish tortilla espanola and bacán!”

“What the hell is ‘bacán’?”

“Green banana meat pie.”

“Green bananas are gross.”

“ _You’re_ gross!”

“I guess this gives merit to what they say about two many cooks.” You say.

Feferi looks at the camera and flushes. “How long have you been taping us?”

“Filming. Nobody uses tapes!” you laugh, “Aradia, where’s Themma at? Hunting down more catfish for Mom?”

Aradia rolls her eyes. “No, she’s at home with Damara. Biting someone _else_ for a change.”

“Damara isn’t here? I thought she’d enjoy showing off in a bikini.”

“Are you squidding me?” Aradia laughs. Feferi glares at her for the fish pun but the rustblood continues, “Damara would rather swim in raw sewage than be near the water!”

That’s interesting but not worth putting into _this_ film. You roam the beach, interviewing guests, showing the scenery and the party setup. You know you’re taking a surplus of footage but you’re better off editing it down later than cursing that you don’t have enough film.

Most of your friends and family are camera shy or don’t know what to say. The one who yields the most interesting results are Kanaya. Speaking from a cinematic perspective, the jadeblood was made to be in pictures. She has the look of an old school Hollywood diva and the demeanor to fit.  

“If I’m being completely honest, I don’t have much to offer here.” Kanaya says. She sits under the sun, not fearing sunburns or melanoma. “I’m not a proficient cook, don’t have great connections...all I can do is be social. And by all rights...”

She stops. She doesn’t want to say on camera that she still has feelings for Rose. It’s an old pain that will take years of rubbing away by Feferi.

“Situations like this are bigger than one person and outweighs personal matters.” she continues, “I think just being here is a support that I can offer. Or, that’s how I feel about it.” She smiles. “What do you think?”

“I think…I’m glad everyone is here to help and support John. Really, you’re less like friends and more like family here.” You smile. “I guess you would be like everyone’s big sister or Mom friend?”

“If I’m everyone’s big sister, that makes your family a lot more complicated than mine.” When you don’t reply, Kanaya says, “You do realize the Grand Highblood is my grandfather which makes most of the people we know my cousins, right? Karkat is my cousin _and_ uncle.”

“What?” You try not to think about the horrific snarl-tangle that is Karkat’s family tree. Every time it adds a person, the tangling intensifies and enters another lineage into the mess. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Kanaya laughs. Then she smiles. “Oh, here comes Sollux...”

You turn and run in direction of where Captor is. “Hold on, Maryam. I have to get a shot of him when he sees Karkat. Our children’s children will want documentation.”

Sollux walks onto the beach carrying a bag with Latula by his side. Mituna isn’t present but you didn’t expect him to come. You make sure to get close enough so you can get a clear shot of Sollux’s face. You only wait a few minutes before Karkat stomps over.

“About fucking time, Captor!” Karkat growls, “What took so long? Your bumblebee ass was supposed to be here an _hour_ ago!”

Sollux’s first reaction is confusion. Then he looks at everyone else, mentally confirms everyone is seeing the same thing he is, observed Karkat from head to toe, and finally registers that _Yes, this is Karkat in sexy swimwear_ and _No, this isn’t a dream._

“What...are you _wearing?_ ” Sollux says, with a big grin on his face.

You’re waiting for a snide remark, but no; Sollux Captor’s brain is broken. Karkat’s face reddens.

“A bikini, in case you’re suddenly blind!” he says.

“Did...who bought that for you?” Sollux turns his head and see Vriska standing off to the side. The cerulean has a knowing grin. “Of fucking _course_.”

“Hey, idiot! Eyes on me!” Karkat tugs a fistful of Sollux’s hair. “I was worried, you double-dickhead. I sent you two messages! Two! I even did your stupid duality shtick.”

“We were trying to get MT to come but you know how he is...” Sollux takes pains not to look at Karkat’s body as more yellow creeps into his face. “My phone’s acting up...might need a new card...”

Karkat lets go of his hair and rolls his eyes.  “C’mon, already. You’ll be over here...”

Karkat walks away and you don’t have to be behind him to know his ass is doing that little flounce it always does when he stomps away. Sollux tears his eyes away from the sight to flip off Vriska before following Karkat.  

After two hours of taping, Jade seizes the camera and orders you to eat. You whine but she’s right. You can’t tape quality footage on an empty stomach, so you steal Nessie and run off. You pay for food and sit in a tent with your daughter in her lap. Most of the tents are crowded at noontime due to the overbearing sun, so you hang with with Sollux for lunch. The yellowblood is managing the money and pretending not to stare at Karkat as he attempts to play volleyball.  

You’d comment on how lovesick and stupid he’s being, but it’s not your place. You concentrate on keeping Nessie from getting food all over herself...and you. Mostly _you_ since Nessie is a lost cause when it comes to neatness.

“So, how _old_ is that kid?” Sollux asks, “Like, I’ve _seen_ human babies and they’re not as big as yours is. Or as hairy.”

You pat Nessie’s thick head of curly brown hair. “Yeah, she’s gonna be tall when she grows up.”

Tall is an understatement. You doubt even with the rules about natural births that Jade could have had Nessie naturally given her weight and head size. Even the doctor commented on Nessie’s size.

“At her development rate,” Said the pediatrician, while Nessie sat on the scale, “her size and motor skills are closer to a _nine_ month old. Mentally, she’s closer to an eight month old. It’s nothing to fear. It’s common in most...unique...children.”

It wasn’t the most reassuring comment, but few things are regarding your daughter. Nessie is too young to understand the stares she gets. Even at the beach, people gaze at her, wondering if the money should go toward the horribly mutated baby instead.

“Strider?” Sollux asks.

You blink. “Sorry just...” You laugh. “Senior moment? Or Dad moment? Whatever. Speaking of rugrats, where’s your little monster?”

“With Meenah.” Sollux says, “I said if she was taking Dmitry, she had to take his obnoxious brother too. MT wanted to watch him, but there was no way I was going to let him do that by himself.”

Mituna hadn’t been at the graduation or after party, but you assumed his problem was with crowds. “Is Mituna scared of water?”

“Water, loud noises, flashing lights...” Sollux counts off.  

“Damara _and_ him hate the water? Did something happen?”

Sollux looks away. “...I’m not a hundred percent sure which one of them found their father’s body first, but they definitely saw him after he’d been murdered. His body was either dumped in the lake and surfaced or they’d found it there. Neither of them are fond of the water since that.”

“Oh.” You pause, “Wait, Damara and your Dad are brother and sister?”

Sollux laughs. “What’s wrong, Strider? Can’t keep troll families straight?”

“ _No_! I’m constantly confused about who is related to who, which isn’t helped by your _constant_ incest.”

Sollux smirks. “Your hang-ups aren’t mine and I’m not the one involved with his cousin.” He pauses. “At least I don’t _think_ so.”

“You’re not _sure_?”

Sollux shrugs. “Well, no one knows who my mother’s father is. For all I know, Eridan could be my cousin or uncle. Then again, Gamzee is Nepeta’s uncle--”

“Ew. Oh _gods_ no!”

You can handle cousin incest but you can’t tolerate the uncle-niece thing. Sollux laughs louder at your reaction and you decide you’re done eating. You go down to the shore and let Nessie swim. You have to keep a good grip on her because she would spend all her time underwater if she could.

(You have _no_ _idea_ where she gets it from since you hate even putting your face underwater.)

You then watch the volleyball competition from a blanket and under the shade of an umbrella. Karkat hits the sand multiple times before finally taking a break. The mutantblood walks over and steals a sip of your soda.

“Gods, I have sand in place you’d _never_ want sand.” He grunts, “Why the hell do people go to the beach?”

“For fun and to look at the cute trolls.” You say. Karkat gives you a blank lok and you point to the crowd watching the volleyball competition. Two trolls and a human are looking in Karkat’s direction. “You got a few lookers.”

Karkat glances at his human and troll admirers. Then he looks at you frowning. “What are they staring at? Shit, do I have something on my back? Or in my hair--quit laughing already!”

You smile. “Karkat, they think you’re _cute_.”

Karkat stares at you. “What.”

“How can you not realize you’re attractive? You have _two_ _kids_!”

“Yeah, but I never...” Karkat’s cheeks darken as he sits on the blanket. “Everyone I was with grew up around me. There’s no ways strangers would be attracted to me.”  

“Because the tall, dark, and handsome troll is _totally_ unattractive.”

Karkat points to the grey blemishes on his ebony skin. “Have you _seen_ my skin?”

“They just look like scars.” You smirk. “Maybe they think you’re in the TMMA?”

Karkat doesn’t answer. As badly as you want to shake him and insist he’s handsome, you know that would have the opposite reaction. Instead you hand him Nessie and that seems to cheer him up. Nessie’s too cute to keep him in a gloomy mood for too long.  

After a half-hour of playtime with Katdad (a name Karkat hates, which makes you o use it more), you give Nessie back to Jade and return to filming. In the afternoon, there’s not much else to record. There’s the end of the volleyball competition, a round of Marco Polo that almost sends Horuss out to sea (Feferi had to rescue him), a loud beer pong contest, and an attack from a territorial giant crab lusus. The crab lusus storms the beach, sending people screaming. The only who doesn’t scream is Jake. The Englishman takes one look at the angry lusus, pulls out a shotgun from the picnic basket, and shoots it in the head. The lusus falls on the sand, bleeding from its shattered skull.

“What is with New Jack and giant crabs?” Jake grumbles, putting away the shotgun. Khanie squeaks at him and he smiles. “Aww, you like it when Dad kills things don’t you, honey?”

“ _Jake_ , I told you not to bring guns to the beach.” Dirk sighs.

“Well, aren’t we all glad I _did_?” Jake says.

Nessie looks at the dead crab lusus and her bottom lip quivers. “S-Sonny...?”

“No, sweetie. That’s not Sonny. Sonny is at home.” Jade quickly says, but the toddler still looks frightened.

Karkat sighs and looks at the setting sun. “Think we should call it a day.”

You look at Karkat. “You sure? It’s not even night yet.”

Karkat smiles. “Yeah, but I’m sure Egbert’s burnt to a crisp and I need to wash off this sand.”

You nod and go to the central tent. John is slumped over in the chair, looking drained. Even though he was smiling earlier, it’s obvious being outside is taking a toll on his body. Sollux walks over with the locked cash box and counts the money.

You hold your breath, waiting for Captor to announce the amount. Sollux continues counting but he doesn’t grin. He checks and double-checks the money. Then the yellowblood looks at Karkat and shakes his head.

“116,300 boons.” Sollux says.

The mounting joy in Rose’s face collapses. Even including what was previously donated, you’re still short of your goal. You were so close to your goal and you _still_ couldn’t do it. Everyone looks at each other, not sure what to say and too afraid to voice their misery.  

“Hey, guys.” John croaks. His voice is weak and his eyes are unfocused, but he’s still smiling. “Guys...you did a lot for me. A lot more than I could ever ask for.” His breathing is haggard, rattling through a tired body. “I’m just glad you all came.”

“Yes...” Rose’s head is bowed so no one can see her tears. “Thank you so much for doing this.”

Karkat doesn’t say a word. He looks crushed. Terezi rests a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” He whispers, “at least we got most of it.”

Everyone tries to keep up the conversation but cheer that had been present earlier has disappeared. As people pack up their umbrellas and tents, they laugh about the Karkat tripping over his feet during the volleyball competition, Eridan emerging from the sea covered in seaweed and starfish, a wild dog-lusus stealing Gamzee’s sandwich, Rufioh being surrounded by seagulls...anything to take their minds off the lack of money and John’s lost time.

As the beach grows increasingly dark and empty, John has a seizure. You’ve never seen him have one, only the aftermath. It’s nothing like how you pictured a seizure in your head. John’s limbs don’t flail and he doesn’t twist and turn. The blood drains from his face and his eyelids flicker. He’s unconscious but still in pain. Rose and Jane are there to for him, making sure he’s comfortable through the pain.

You have to look away. You go to Karkat, who is sitting on a dune and watching the beach empty. The guests are long gone and the tents have been packed up. All that’s left are the garbage cans and the scavenging crab lusii and seagulls.  

“You heading home?” you ask.

“Yeah.” Karkat blinks, watching the tide come in.

You move to the car and in the parking lot, you see John being lifted into the back of the car. His face is still pale and his limbs dangle uselessly as he’s strapped in. Jane shuts the door and speaks to Rose. You’re too far away to hear their words, but the women embrace each other.

Jade is at the car, placing Nessie in her car seat. You pat Karkat on the shoulder and go to your matesprit. Jade has a smile for you but its tired and sad. You kiss her knowing all you can do is return home. Karkat walks over, staring hollowly. His burning eyes give the shore one last look before you leave.


	6. one last recount

**== >Dave: Be Karkat several hours later  **

Rain runs down your face but you don’t bother wiping it away. You knock at the door hoping someone hears you over the storm. The wind blows harder and you hold your sylladex tighter. After five minutes the door opens. Sollux looks at you, wearing a sleeveless shirt and boxers.

Sollux looks at you and frowns. “KK? What are you doing here? It’s...” He looks at the living room clock, “Ten at night! I thought you went home with Strider?”

“I did but I didn’t stay.” The wind blows harder and you shudder, feeling the cold. “Hey, can I come in? It’s not exactly porch weather out here.”

Sollux nods and lets you inside. The only light on in the living room is the ambient glow of the TV. You can tell Latula’s done some redecorating: new lamps, family pictures, and couch cushions. Latula and Mituna are snoring in their room and you can’t hear any loud chirping, so the boys must be asleep too. As expected, Eridan has already left for work.

“What’s going on?” Sollux asks.

You pull off your poncho and hang it on a coat hook, so you don’t drip water all over the trailer. “I know its late and I usually don’t do this but...” You take off your muddied boots and finally trek over to the couch, sitting down. “I need a favor.”

Sollux stares at you and you watch the red-blue flicker of his eyes in the near darkness. Then the yellowblood sits next to you, but he’s giving you a cautious look, wondering if what you’re proposing is legal or worth the trouble.

“What kind of favor?” he asks.

You open your sylladex and take out a lime green folder. Sollux takes it as you explain, “You know those papers we found in Darkleer Manor? Well, one of them was about an inheritance my grandfather left me. These are receipts from what I spent. I did the math...I _think_ I have enough to give to John but I wasn’t sure, so I wanted to talk to you.”

Sollux’s eyes narrow as he looks over the expenditure receipts. He turns off the TV and flicks on the living room light so he can have a better look at them. His pale yellow-grey fingers move through the papers crowded in the folder.

You wait for Sollux to chew you out for not telling him about the money, for sitting on cash while Latula’s health nosedived and his family’s financial debt mounted.

And yet, Sollux is quiet. Too quiet.

“I don’t get it...” Sollux mutters.

You steel yourself for a barrage of yelling.

Sollux looks at you. “Why would your father leave your inheritance in Darkleer Manor?”

“W-what?” You say, caught off guard. You’re still waiting for him to yell.

Sollux looks away, rubbing his chin. “When we went to the manor, the papers were hidden in your father’s room, in a secret compartment. Why put it there? Who would know to look for it?”

You knew to look for it but it was because of one of your weird ‘feelings’. Had your father known you would visit the manor? “I think he wanted to make sure only _I_ would have it.”

“Mmm.” Sollux says, not committing to the theory. He returns his attention to the receipts. “I’m seeing a lot of expensive purchases: property, lawyer consultation, electricity rewriting, sewer and water line replacements, tree removal...” The yellowblood holds up three receipts. “These are just deposit receipts though. What are they for?”

You look over the receipts. “This one’s a trust fund for Arthat, this is the land ownership payoff, and this is from a deposit in a savings account for a car.”

Sollux looks at the trust fund receipt. “50,000 boons for Arthat?”

You flush. “He’s already really smart. He deserves a chance to go to college.”

Sollux smiles and drums his fingers on the receipt folder. You can tell from the look on his face that he’s doing math. “By my guess, out of the 850,000 boons you received, you have 34,050 left.

You nod. “That’s what I thought…and I want it to go to John.”

Sollux shakes his head. “Karkat--”

You know what he’s about to say, so you put your hand on his shoulder. You watch the conflicting pulsations of red and blue in his eyes.

“I know it’s dangerous to only have 50 boons in the emergency fund, but...it’s worthwhile.” you say, “John needs his life back. I know that if the situation was reversed, he would try just as hard to help me. I can always rebuild the fund.”

“It might not even work…” Sollux whispers, “He might die anyway.”

You nod. “I’d rather have spent the money on the chance of John Egbert living than sit around watching him die.”

Sollux opens his mouth and then closes it. You think he wants to argue more about the money, but now he’s just staring at you. You stare back at him, waiting for the cynical argument he’s formulating.

You’re definitely not expecting it when he kisses you. The kiss isn’t long; just enough for you to feel his lips and the static charge in his skin. Then he quickly pulls away.

 

 

“Shit. Sorry.” He murmurs, “I shouldn’t have...I should have asked first.”

You touch your lips, still feeling the charge of his psionics. “Why...did you do that?”

“...why?” Sollux smirks, “You’re kidding, right? KK, I...gods, this is going to sound like the talk of a complete loser but ever since the Manor I’ve always felt like...us together just felt...’right’.” He blushes. “Shit, I sound like a bad romcom.”

“Uh...” is your intelligent comment to this deep and meaningful conversation.

There was a long list of things you were prepared to deal with today. Contemplate your own mortality while a friend suffers? Yup. Think about your dismal future? Definitely. Your best friend confessing his red love for you in the most adorably dorky way possible? Not anywhere on your plate. Shit, it’s not even on the table. It’s not even in the metaphorical _house_.

“Hey, no pressure.” Sollux says, blushing, “You don’t have to...I understand if you’re not--”

“Are you sure?” you ask, “I’m no prize, Sollux, and I come with a lot of attachments. Some louder than others.”

Sollux points to the mess of toys and video games scattered around the living room, to take in the sounds of his family in the crowded trailer.

“Good point.” You murmur.

“I just want you to be yourself…” Sollux smiles, “...and if you don’t mind putting up with my bipolar stupidity.”

“Sollux, I don’t care about that. I just...”

You decide to give up on words. You kiss him back and this time, you make sure it lasts longer. Sollux breathes in slowly, and wraps a skinny arm around you. You’re so much bigger than him now and its awkward now that you’re the tall one. You curl your arm around him.

“Is it alright if I stay the night?” you ask, “I’m tired and I...”

You don’t want to leave so soon. You want to stay as long as possible and smother him with flush.

Sollux smiles. “Sure. I was heading to bed anyway.” He looks at the folder. “So, how do you want to do this?”

“An anonymous donation on the website.”

It’s the best solution: John can’t be in debt to someone he doesn’t. Sollux nods and you follow him to his bedroom.

It’s been months since you were in Sollux’s room and there’s one definite change: he’s cleaned up. The golden, waxy mainframes are resting on a shelf and the wires that used to be spread across the floor are now stapled to the wall. Toys and gnawed on newspapers are piled in a cardboard box. Sollux types on his husktop and you sit on his bed.

“Why is your bed so _hard_?” you grumble.

“Because I like a firm mattress?” Sollux says, looking at your debit card and he types in the information.

“It’s like sleeping on a board.”

Sollux smirks. “Well, I wasn’t thinking of your marshmallow ass when I got it.”

“Keep talking about it like that and you’ll never get a chance to touch it.” you grumble. You try to lay on the bed comfortably but its impossible. Sollux has too many blankets on his bed and made of different materials. Did he pile every blanket in the trailer on his bed? You rearrange them, trying to organize the lumpy terrain. “I’ve been on this bed for a few minutes and I’m already annoyed. How do you _sleep_ in this mess? What about your recuperacoon?”

“I only use it when I’m too anxious to sleep. Plus, it’s hard to cuddle in slime.”

“Of course your bony ass loves to cuddle. Not even a mountain of pillows could help you with that.”

“You are totally sucking the romance out this room.” Sollux says but you can tell from the smirk he’s joking.

He must have finished the payment because he turns off the husktop. He crawls into bed and snuggles close to you. Sollux smells like the hot plastic of his laptop and the fragrant, psionically charged honey of the purple bees that run his machines.

How long has it been since you were close to someone in a red way? To feel every part of your body unwind from warmth and love? You shut your eyes and run your fingers down Sollux’s back, feeling the bumps of his spine. You want to say that he has a back like a dinosaur but the words don’t come. You prefer the sound his nasal breathing.

As you fall asleep, you realize this is how it should have always been.

 

“Sol, did you eat the rest of my fucking Pop-Tarts? I swear to cod, if you... _oh._ ”

The sound of your half-brother makes you open your eyes but you don’t move from the bed. The violetblood stands in the doorway holding an empty box of Pop-Tarts. Sollux is still cuddled against you, eyes half-open.

Eridan grins. “Aw, you two are so cute.”

“Get out.” Sollux grumbles.

“If you break his heart I’ll kill you.” Eridan says, “I mean it, Sol.”

Sollux sits up, glaring at his kismesis. “What part of ‘get out’, do you not understand?”

There’s a high pitched screech from the next room that makes you sit up.

“Dmitry’s awake...” Eridan sighs.

“Why in the hell is he _screaming_?” you ask.

“Because his father is a pain in the ass?” Sollux snorts.

“Loud screeching is normal for seadweller grubs.” Eridan says, “It’s how they attract attention from their lusus underwater.”

“He’s not underwater!” Sollux says.

“He doesn’t know _that_ , Sol.” Eridan leaves to check on the screeching fuchsiablood.

Sollux rolls his eyes and flops back down on the bed. “You better get used mornings like this.”

“Like my house is any different, Captor? You try living with a human baby and two large lusii.” That’s when you remember that you spent the night with Sollux and didn’t tell anyone. “Shit, I didn’t tell Dave where I was. He probably sent me like nine hundred texts...”

Sollux yawns. “It’s alright. I told him you were here.”

“Oh. Wait. What did you say?” Sollux smirks. You jab him in the shoulder. “You better not have given him the wrong idea!”

“Relax, KK. I just told him you were exhausted and came here to rest.

Now you’ll _never_ hear the end of this from Strider, and it’s only a matter of minutes before Eridan tells everyone he knows about the news. You had hoped things would stay quiet for a bit longer but that’s wishful thinking in this neighborhood. Though...you don’t care as much as you had originally thought concerning your personal life. All you want to do now is cuddle your matesprit.  


	7. take my breath away

**== >Karkat: Be John a few weeks later  **

You study yourself in the compact mirror. Gods, you knew you were going to be ugly bald but you never thought you’d be downright _hideous_. Without the hair covering it, the scarring and bruising in the back of your skull is far more obvious. Combined with the dark bags under your eyes and your paleness from your most recent seizure, you look downright ghoulish.

“All I need is some chrome paint and I’ll be a great War Boy cosplayer.” you say.

You’re resting on a bed in the pre-op triage. The nurse has already taken your vitals and placed an IV in you, pumping in painkillers. You’re starving but there’s nothing they can do about that.

Vriska smiles but it’s forced. She takes her mirror back. “Nice to see you’re all chuckles before they cut into you.”

“More like drilling and sawing into me!” You laugh. “Hey, if I was gloomy all the time no one would want to be around me. _I_ wouldn’t want to be around me.”

You’ve had plenty of guests leading up to surgery. Your mother was here but she couldn’t stay long without bursting into tears. Roxy is with her, making sure she’ll get through the night. Rose was also here but left when Vriska showed up. You’re still not talking about _that_ cerulean elephant in the room. Best to save that conversation for when you’re not knocking at death’s door.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” you ask, “The one who gave the rest of the money?”

Vriska shakes her head. “Egbert, stop being stupid for once in your life. It doesn’t _matter_ who gave it--”

“But was it _you_?”

Vriska looks down. “No...but I wish it was.”

What the hell? This isn’t the Vriska you know. She should be saying you’re an idiot and taking credit for someone else’s kindness. Who is this new person that’s gone all soft and quiet?

“How sappy.” You smile. “You’ve been weird since you found out about my brain. I thought you’d hit me for not telling you earlier.”

“Mmm.” Vriska says but she’s not taking the bait. Her eyes are narrowed, looking elsewhere. “You know...my grandmother thought the Serkets were under a curse, but I never believed that. But, on one of her lucid days, she said...that if I wanted the bad luck eliminated, I would have to not care about the outcome. And, she was right. It did work except...”

She takes off her glasses frowning.

“...not when I couldn’t _not_ care. Fuck.” She looks at you, “That’s not correct grammar. It should be that...I can’t...not...”

“I care about you too.” You say.

Vriska’s face is blank, but the disappointment in her eyes is obvious. You know she was waiting to hear something else, but she should also know that you were never going to say it.

“Yeah.” Vriska stands and pushes aside the privacy curtain. “See you on the flipside, Egbert.”

You smile. “Yeah. See you there too.”

You have no delusions about your survival odds or recovery time. You’ll be in a rehabilitation center, relearning basic motor skills as your brain heals. It could take up to two years for you to return to normal.

The nurse walks over. “Ready, Mr. Egbert?”

You grin. “I was born ready.”

You’re definitely not ready. When you lie on the surgical table, breathing in the anesthesia-tainted air through the mask, you start to feel everything unwind. Skin, muscle, bones, atoms— _everything_ —comes undone. You melt into the wind. You are nothing but air and disperse between everything.

And then you’re no longer air. You’re nothing.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated 4/13, everyone! And with that chapter, that concludes this act of Trailerstuck. I'll be working on the next act for a while before its posted again. Feel free to ask me questions at bad-imagination.tumblr.com or even try out for the Let's Read Trailerstuck podcast. They could really use a Dirk. c:


End file.
